피곤해

안녕하세요! :(

I feel so sad. No, I'm just tired. SO TIRED.
I'm tired with the responsibilities that I hold.
I'm tired with people telling me what to do, but they never understand me.
I'm tired with bullshits people say, that makes me trust no one.
I'm tired with my family, the one that should've not let me behind, but they did.
I'm tired with people who rush, who being nice to me, only when they need me.

Once, a silly thought passed my head.
Do a suicide. Haha. I know. Silly, huh? #NoJudge
But should try being in my position too.
HARD.
I try my best to do my responsibilities. I try not to pout when my parents tell me what to do, even if I don't agree with what they say. I heard bullshits everywhere, but I try not to judge.

A Little Thing About Me

Hello Bloggers!
Well, yea. I feel tired lately. Thinking how's my life pass by these recent years just makes me feel I'm such a 'bala' person.

I'm afraid too. Why? Because every single thing that I touch is tumbled down.

I don't want people to be sad caused by me. Or have a mess life because there's me.

I'm just...
I wanna have a girls night out with my (not really) sisters.
Doing some 'photo shoot' or just let our imaginations come at night. Gah I miss those moment.


Oh by the way, I feel kinda lonely. Well not really. But yes.
What will you do, if at school, your closest friends, all of them, have a boyfie and you're not? It's like "Forever Alone" is really exist now at my dictionary. And thinking that they're gonna be busy with their boyfies just creeps me out.
But Thank God I have full schedule from July - August. And I think I can still handle my loneliness.
But I also think that I'm not good (AT ALL) at love thingy. And I'm not ready with couple-fight or things (just like my friends do, sometimes)

HAHAHA. I used to not write down my feelings like this on blogger. But, I this time, just let me do this, is that okay?

What Should She Do?

There's a little girl. My friend. She doesn't good at love-thingy.

One day, there's a friendly boy. He said that she's cute. She laughed.

Later, they met each other and they got a chance to talk.

He pinched her cheek and keep saying that she's cute.

At first, she only thought that it's because she's funny.

But his touch might be addictive to her.

Ah, poor her.




Once upon a time, he was standing next to her.

He poked her arm. Signed her that he was next to her.

She acted like it was annoying. But it brought her a sunny-feeling.

Day by day, every time they met, they threw smile.

And day by day, she got confuse with her feeling.


Her friend reminded her that he was only being friendly

And she also conscious.

Somehow, she doesn't want to get hurt.

But her other heart is still searching where he's standing.



What should she do?

...

Who are you?
I mean, really, who are you?
And who am I?

Why can't I treat you like I treated people
Why do I smile when you near

I know you're no good for me
But there's something about you that makes me want to know about you more and more and more

What Valentine Means for Me

Hi people! Long time no blogging. I'm here want to tell what valentine means for me.

Banyak orang yang bilang kalo valentine itu hari kasih sayang. Well, kebanyakan orang yang merayakan valentine bersama pasangannya masing-masing. Valentine identik dengan coklat, bunga, dan benda-benda yang kebanyakan berwarna pink.
Ada pengalaman menarik yang gue dapet pas valentine kemarin (14/02/2012). Waktu itu, gue sakit, dan mengakibatkan gue ga masuk sekolah. Pagi-pagi, pas gue bilang ke temen gue kalo gue sakit, temen gue ga percaya. Mereka malah ngira gue kesiangan. Sampe akhirnya, pas gue izin ke guru gue, mereka baru percaya. Siangnya, temen-temen gue nanya tentang tugas kita yang disuruh bikin drama. Akhirnya setelah dirembukin, kita sepakat mau buat drama beauty & the beast. Pas gue lagi bikin naskahnya, salah satu temen gue ga mau jadi beauty nya. Akhirnya gue nyari solusi ke temen gue yang satu kelompok juga sama gue. Dan yang bikin gue kesel adalah dia cuma bales bbm gue "dunno". Gue yang kesel, gondok berusaha untuk sabar aja. Gue ga terlalu mikirin tentag peran-perannya. Akhirnya, gue ngelanjutin bikin naskah dramanya. Ga lama kemuadian, sekitar jam setengah 3, ada yang ngetok-ngetok kamar gue. Gue kira itu adek gue, tapi pas gue buka pintu kamar gue, TADAAAA! Ternyata temen-temen gue dateng buat ngunjungin gue. Gue yang seneng banget dan terharu banget. Mereka rela-relain dateng ke rumah gue, abis pulang sekolah, cuma buat ngejenguk gue :')
Jadi, the point is, sebetulnya hari kasih sayang itu bisa di rayain kapan aja. Kalau kita memang sayang pada seseorang, kita akan merayakan rasa sayang dengan orang itu tidak dalam hari tertentu saja. Oh ya, dan menunjukan kalau kita sayang sama seseorang juga ga perlu dengan coklat atau bunga atau benda-benda yang mahal kok. Dengan menunjukan kalau rasa sayang kita tulus, pasti orang itu juga bahagia. So, let's spread the love, people!<3

Puisi

Ketika langit merah berganti warna
Ketika gelapnya malam datang tanpa hiasan sang bulan
Kau undang aku kedalam khayalku
Terlepas dari kandang lusuh
Terbang bebas menuju dunia penuh harapan

Hembusan angin membawa diri ini terbang jauh
Tersesat di dalam pikiran
Tak temukan jalan kembali

Desisan suara mu terkenang di kepala ku
Bagai alunan musik indah yang mengajak ku tuk menari

Tak ingin berpisah dari bayang dirimu
Ku biarkan diriku tersesat dalam gelapnya khayalku
Dalam gelapnya malam tanpa hiasan sang bulan

No title.

I'm not like other girls
I don't wear shorts or 10-centi heels
I don't need red lipstick just to kiss you
No I don't

You are kind of a bad boy
It's 3 a.m
You sent me those sweet messages
You showed me that you care
But now,
No, you don't.

Oh I'm such a fool
for falling for you
For blushing for every stupid messages
that you sent

You played me
Betrayed me
But I'm still ok
Still standing here like a steal

Oh, congrats boy
My heart is craving for you now
What you left is only stupid chat history
Stupid me for trusted you

Now I'm still check out your profile
Wondering you'd tweet me
But actually,
No you don't


You played me
Betrayed me
But I'm still ok
Still standing here like a steal


Oh, congrats boy
My heart is craving for you now
What you left is only stupid chat history
Stupid me for trusted you

I'm not like other girls
I don't wear shorts or 10 centis heels
And you know what????
I'm so much better!

You played me
Betrayed me
But I'm still ok
Still standing here like a steal


Oh, congrats boy
My heart is craving for you now
What you left is only stupid chat history
And, oh wait,
Stupid you for not keeping me right.

I trust you

I've been hurt many times
Tears just don't fall down
I walk in the dark
Just to find the sun

I am burried here
And no one knows
I tried to scream
They hear, but they don't listen

Oh baby, you found me here
You gave me light
to believe in myself
I am not alone
I have you here by my side
I trust you

When the sun goes down
I'm running through the forest
I'm too scared to tell what I need to tell
But you chase me
Tell me 'I will always be right here'

Oh baby, you found me here
You gave me light
to believe in myself
I am not alone
I have you here by my side

I trust you

And the night comes
I don't feel so afraid
Cause I know
I know
You will found me here
You gave me light
to believe in myself
I am not alone
I have you here by my side

I trust you
Oh baby, I trust you

No Title

I'm such a bad  person.
I know that.
I'm such a bad friend and such a horrible daughter.

I'm messing everything around me.
I mock people. But somehow they just love with with all of their hearts.
And they always be there when I really need them most.

And when I start loving people, they make me down.
And now I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders.

Somehow, I really want to fix all this mess.
I can't stand it anymore.
I need to tell people how I feel. I'm hurt.
I just wish they would all understand.

Get It Right

What have I done?
I wish I could run,
away from this ship going under
just trying to help out everyone else
now I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders

what can you do when your good isn’t good enough
and all that you touch tumbles down?
cause my best intentions
keep making a mess of things,
I just wanna fix it somehow
but how many times will it take?
oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right, to get it right?

can I start again, with my fate shaken?
cause I can’t go back and endure this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes,
but if I get stronger and wiser, I’ll get through this

what can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
and all that you touch tumbles down?
cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things,
I just wanna fix it somehow
but how many times will it take?
oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right?

so I throw up my fists, throw a punch in the air,
and accept the truth that sometimes life isn’t fair!
yeah, I’ll send down a wish and I’ll send up a prayer
and finally someone will see how much I care

what can you do when you’re good isn’t good enough?
and all that you touch tumbles down?
cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things,
I just wanna fix it somehow
but how many times will it take?
oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right?

:')

You said we're best friends forever. We are. But what 'forever' means if I only exist when you need me. Well, I don't care if you need me or not, but I need you so much. Yeah, like SO MUCH! And I miss 'the old you', the new one sucks. I just hope, wherever you are, whenever you are, you still care about me. Girl, you have to know: 1. You are the best friend ever that's rock my world; 2. I ♥ you. No matter what will happen; 3. Please don't change. I love you the way you are, but just don't forget me, okay?

It hurts.

Do you know how it feels when you like a boy, but he likes another girl which is cooler than you, richer than you, more beautiful than you, and also more popular than you?

You want to blame on her. But you've got nothing to blame on. He likes her is not her fault. He likes her is not his fault, neither.

All you want to do is scream and cry out loud. Wishing that someone would lend their shoulder for you to cry on.

You wanna kill him. But somehow, you're falling in love with him. You're going to curse him, but suddenly you feel pity on him.

All you can do is only be patient. Seeing him happy with her, it hurts. But you would do anything to make him smile even if he doesn't smile for you, but for her.


-I know how it feels. It hurts.

Baduy, second day.

Hey people! Since I was have exams, I haven't post the next story about Baduy. Well, here it is!

Jadi, pagi-pagi, kita semua bangun. Sekitar jam setengah 6an, kita ke kali buat ambil wudhu buat solat. Abis solat, kita hafalin lagi ayat-ayat yang semalem kita harus hafalin, soalnya, setiap orang harus setor hafalan ke pak Bobby. Nah, setelah semuanya udah setoran hafalan, kita pergi ke sungai. Kalau kita mau ke sungai itu, butuh perjuangan yang besar. Pertama, kita harus ngelewatin jembatan yang goyang-goyang, terus kita harus ngelewatin tanjakan liciiiiiin. Udah gitu, ngeliat kondisi sungai yang airnya butek gara-gara abis hujan, yang cewek-cewek balik lagi ke kali yang kemaren kita mandi. Tapi, karena gue males bgt mandinya, jadi, gue tinggal aja dirumah.

Abis pada selesai mandi, kita semua makan terus siap-siap pulang. Nah pas pulang, astaga! Kita nanjak tanjakan yang kayak gak ada abis nya :O Gue sampe keabisan nafas. Dan lebih parahnya, minum gue abis. Untung ada pak Bobby. Tas gue di angkat sama dia jadi gak terlalu berat o:)

Nah pas turunan, sepeatu gue jebol. Dan akhirnya gue ganti sendal. Eh, bukannya lebih enak gitu jalannya, gue malah kepleset. Celana, baju, tas gue kotor semua. Tapi untungnya, gara-gara gue jatoh tas gue jadi dibawain dan akhirnya gue nyeker dari tempat guejatoh sampe ke tempatnya ms. Nur.

Di tronton, kita semua pada nyanyi-nyayi. Ada juga yang kena hukuman gara-gara kalah games. Walaupun sampe ada yang sakit dan perjalanan di jalan macet banget, tapi gue seneng banget! This is one of the best moments with firgenozta 2011 :D

And here are some photos:

Baduy, first day.

Kamis, 2 Desember 2010.

Hari ini gue dan temen-temen seangkatan gue (firgenozta 2011) pergi ke Baduy dalam rangka karyawisata sekolah. Kita harus kumpul di sekolah jam setengah 6 pagi, dan kita baru berangkat jam setengah 8 (-_-). Kita berangkat ke Baduy naik tronton. Tronton adalah sebuah kendaraan yang besar, berwarna hijau, dan bisa memuat sekitar 40an orang dan juga beserta barang-barangnya. Perjalanan di tronton memakan waktu sekitar 8 jam. Selama di perjalanan, gue banyak ngobrol sama temen-temen gue dan juga tidur.

Setelah menghabis kan waktu di tronton, akhirnya kita sampai di Ciboleger. Itu adalah tempat dimana tronton kita di parkir dan kita harus berjalan untuk sampai perkampungan dimana nanti kita akan home stay selama satu malam. Perjalanan berjalan kaki ini sangat berat, karena:
1. Kita semua harus membawa bawaan kita masing-masing. Kebanyakan sih anak-anak pada bawa tas carrier, tapi asal tau aja, tas itu beratttttttttttt banget.
2. Jalanan ke kampung yang mau kita tinggalin semalem itu gak beraspal. Kita harus melewati jalanan yang bertanah dan juga tanjakan dan juga turunan yang terasa gak ada ujungnya.

Temen gue, Devin & Zahira, selama perjalanan mereka selalu bilang "Ayo pemirsa! Sedikit lagi kita akan sampai di puncak gunung Himalaya Baduy!" (-_-) Mereka selalu pingin buat gue ketawa. Dan semakin banyak ketawa, gue selalu merasa lebih capek. Jadi, gue memutuskan untuk tidak banyak omong dan melanjutkan perjalanan.

Tadinya, kelompok gue kelompok yang jalan duluan, terus ditengah tanjakan, kelompok kita di susul sama kelompoknya anak cowok dan jadi lah kita kelompok kedua. Tapi, pas turunan, gue, Devin, Zahira, Sakina bisa nyusul yang anak cowok jadi kita yang sampai duluan di perkampungan tempat kita akan menginap.

Bener-bener capek. Muka anak-anak sampe merah dan rata-rata dari mereka langsung istirahat atau mencari tempat duduk.

Setelah istirahat sebentar, kita kumpul lagi. Kata pak Bobby, kita dikasih waktu untuk keluarin bahan-bahan makan malem biar nanti bisa dimasakin sama yang punya rumah. Terus kita adaptasi sebentar sama penduduk disitu. Setelah adaptasi dan lain-lainnya, kita main-main air di kali. Whoa! Air di kalinya dingin bgttttt! Dan kebetulan, pada saat itu yang anak-anak pada kebelet pipis. Ya....karena gaada toilet, kita terpakssa pipis di kali.

Setelah seneng-seneng main air di kali, kita semua ganti baju di rumah penduduk yang udah dibagi per kelompok. Setelah ganti baju anak-anak pada solat dan makan malem. Sebelum makan malem, gue dan Devin mau ke toilet, karena yang ditunjuk warga sekitar gajelas dimana arah toiletnya, jadi kita jalan aja terus ngelewatin kayak lorong diantara dua rumah. Karena ngeliat rumah yang di samping pintunya ada sikat gigi & odol, Devin tiba-tiba langsung ngebanting pintu itu. OOOPS! Ternyata itu bukan toilet melaikan rumah penduduk! Dan didalamnya ternyata ada orang lagi makan! Dengan perasaan gak enak, malu, dan juga ketakutan yang bercampur jadi satu kita minta maaf dan minta dikasih tau dimana tempat toilet itu.

Ternayata, toilet itu ga jauh. Keadaan toilet itu sangat minimalis. Saking minimalisnya, toiletnya gak ada pintunya! Yah....dengan penerangan yang seadanya, gue ke toilet bareng Devin.

Pas balik dari toilet, gue, Ms. Nur -kepala sekolah lazta- dan temen-temen sekelompok gue ngobrol-ngobrol di rumah. Terus, kita di panggil suruh kumpul. Ternyata, kita mau ketemu kepala suku Baduy. Kita dijelasin tentang Baduy. Oh iya, pas malem-malem itu, pak Agung, guru dari lazuardi cinere jelasin ke kita, bahwa ternyata, perjalanan kita hari  ini belom seberapa kalau emang misalnya kita mau ke Baduy yang dalemnya. (o.O)

Abis dikasih penjelasan sama kepala sukunya, kita semua disuruh ngafalin beberapa ayat untuk password besok. Nah.... baru deh, abis ngafalin ayat-ayat itu, baru deh kita boleh tidur ;)

I'm Only Me When I'm With You

Troubles shoot me right here through my chest
I was bleeding
But I didn't feel any pains

How could I stand up with a heart that broken?
How could I fix everything if every single thing was arranged randomly like a puzzle?

You will never believe how could I stand up bring all my pains
But I kept smile as long as I stand up here

One word that also can bring you up whenever you get down
'Friends'

You will never find out every magic what your friends spelled on you
They made you cry, laugh, sing, sleep, comfort, angry
And even their looks mess

They will always beside you
Friends will be beside you whenever, wherever, you need them
Friends will make you up into something unpredictable
And someday, you'll say "I'm only me when I'm with you, friends."

:-)

Black Window

2 days were never enough
His face reminds me of something
His beautiful eyes have something that pulled me
Cannot denied that he's interesting

From the other side of the window
I watched him sitting there
The shape of his face was enchanting
I can't clearly see his face
But I'm happy

Wish I could meet him again
Wish he would know me well
Wish he knew that he's one of something that made my journey was fantastic

Enchanted-Taylor Swift

There I was again tonight
Forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old tired, lonely place

Walls of insincerity
Shifting eyes and vacancy
Vanished when I saw your face

All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you

Your eyes whispered "have we met?"
Across the room your silhouette
Starts to make it's way to me

The playful conversation starts
Counter all your quick remarks
Like passing notes in secrecy

And it was enchanting to meet you
All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

The lingering question kept me up
2 AM, who do you love?
I wondered 'til I'm wide awake

And now I'm pacing back and forth
Wishing you were at my door
I'd open up and you would say, "Hey"

It was enchanting to meet you
All I know is I was enchanted to meet you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonder struck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
I was enchanted to meet you

This is me praying that
This was the very first page
Not where the story line ends
My thoughts will echo your name
Until I see you again
These are the words I held back
As I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go
I'm wonder struck, blushing all the way home
I'll spend forever wondering if you knew
This night is flawless, don't you let it go
I'm wonder struck, dancing around all alone
I'll spend forever wondering if you know
I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

I do hate copycat.

I want people to READ my blog not COPY-PASTE!!!!! oh fuck u queen bee-itch!

'All he hides' is originally MINE. But, someone has copy-paste it into her blog. Oh yes, of course bee-itch, I'll give you hell with all of my heart >:-)


And, uh..... I think you should think more creative than I am. Okay? And next time, don't mess up with me little cockroach. S-M-O-O-C-H-E-S! :-*

a

I cried while I was sleeping
I remember how the first time we met
How the last time you say goodbye

You paint my darkness into a blue sky
But you turned it back into something worse

You're my rainbow and also my nightmare
You're the last thing I wish I could fight 'til the end of the world

I'm heartless
Knowing that you might out with another girl
I'm stupid
Knowing that you're all I've ever wanted
I'm holding
Cause I cannot move on
I'm wishing
Cause nothing I can do

I'm okay
I'll pretend that I'm okay

Move On With Me

Don't cry little girl
You know I'll be on your side
You know I'll reply your direct messages on twitter
You know I won't make you feel worry
You know I'm real

Night won't be long
You and him were ended up last night
But you and me were meant to be forever

Tears might be there for all nights long
But I'll wipe them
I'll turn your frown into smile

We'll dance until you can't move
We'll cry until no more tears out from our eyes
We'll scream until everyone in the whole world could hear us
We'll be the angels from the hell

We'll turn on the volumes
Beat of the music will throw us into the highest sky
We'll reach the star
Together we'll keep it forever

You'll sing to me a lullaby
We'll sleep tight under my pink bed cover
You'll sleep with a smile on your face